GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
