he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
