i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
