grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
