Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
