Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize