Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
