I hate your face
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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