Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
