do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
