I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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