Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
