i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
