Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
