Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
