i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
