oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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