Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize