They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize