I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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