I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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