Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize