He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
