I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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