i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I need to stop coming to work sober
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
