She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
