guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
