After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
