Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
