It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
