just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
