chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
