The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
