That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
