Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
