I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
