Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize