Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
