I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
