Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
