I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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