Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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