physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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