Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
