it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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