I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
