How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
