You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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