And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
