matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
