i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
