Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
