No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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