Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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