This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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