according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
