how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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