I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
