i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
