Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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