Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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