i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
