Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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