do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
