I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize