Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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