we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Randomize
